This means war! Well - battle at least!

Originally posted 2009.11.04


Do you ever experience the case, when the group works the palaces for a while and situation get a bit slowish for swashbuckling adventure? They go too far with philosophy and the action cools down, while you are in the middle of trying to heat it up? Or the characters are in the midst of negotiations, and suddenly it turns out the proper skills reach amazing 2s? While the whole swashbuckling skill portfolio adds up to a bull's eye's score. Or it's just another sesion on the court and you want to "throw in the granade" without having to build up the place again after the action?

Ok - you've just reached the point, where you can plug in one of my favorite scenarios - Pillow fight!

What is it?

As usual, the courts are full of bored noblemen, who try to kill the time with amusements. It works out the best in Montaigne, but you can pull it out in Vodacce, Castile, Avalon or even Vendel, if you put enough flavour.

So - somebody gets an idea, to stage a battle with aristocrats for once doing the actual fighting. Not that they don't feel like they're fighting all the wars, but you probably know the paticipating numbers of the real battlefields, don't ya?
Obviously, anyone geting hurt would be an insult and scandal, so the weapons are pillows, kisses and witty ripostes.

Actually you can work out the type of the battle and it's rules freely. Who fights whom, is it "king of the hill" type of a battle, or a team against team (e.g. hero and a unit of brutes fight similar squad). Get through all sort of gladiator fights - you'll get sound ideas. One of my later ones - I've made a Montaignish reconstruction of the Thea-real battle. It was the assault of Montaigne nobleman on the El Moro, defended by the dames and ladies ("After all, everyone in Montaigne knows that Castilians fight like women!" At least, until the Eisen-born lady had a word to say in that matter ;) ).

You can shape the scene to your will as well. It might be a constructed model of battlefield, it might be garden labirynth, a meadow during a picnic, regular arena during national parade. Anything will do.

So, you've got the place, it's time to choose weapons and armours!

Each of participants gets a shiny, fluffy pillow. Than he gets to choose his HitPoints. Yea - you read it right. You need to check if someone died in battle, and who lived to walk in glory.
I use hats. The characters get to pick a covering of their scalp. As long as they have it on their heads, they're "alive" and fit to fight.
And that's the first trick you get - woe and misery to those who choose a fitting bonnet with a ribbon to hold it on! Shame and boo on him! You want to show how tough are you? Than put on this huge, wobbly, hardly holding on, high closhe! Or a swan-shaped one with lots of ribbons! Or a horseheaded construction placed on top of your head.
Remember - shame on those, who want to play safe (and are barely visible from the tribunes! )!

When all are ready, after they take the ribbons, scarfs, garders, handkerchiefs and whatever other parts of the attire you can imagine from the ladies (and/or gents) of their hearts... When the trumpets are done with announcing all of the noble participants... They enter the scene! They gaze upon the battlefield, look their nemesis fearlessly in the eyes and discretly fix the powder on their faces, to cover the sweat...

Make the moment as big as it can be! They're ready to sacrifice everything. For fame! For glory!! For victory!!!

Then tha battle begins! With the thunders of applause, background full of screams of heartbroken dames, and calls for medic, when the emotions are too high and the ladies faint!
You are responsible for the surrounding! Don't make it funny! It's a battle! The truest of the battles most of the participants will ever get!

The mechanics you attach to that is up to you. You can storytell, use the dice, get full rules work on it. Whatever suits you. As long as the hat is on, you're fighting!

And for the end, I've left the sweetest and juiciest part of the trick - the pillow fight is not a regular clash. It always carries court consequences. How many of them, what kind - it's all up to you. I'll give you some ideas, that I used:

- Reputation - the one to win the battle, is a God for a while. Well - Achilles at least! He seats next to the host, everyone wants to have a selfie portrait with him, ladies leave their husbands just to stand next to him (or her...). He rocks!

- Romance - "If you want to prove to me, win this battle as a feat!" You want to prove your love? Than win this battle! You remember "A knight's tale"? Than you know what I'm talking.
And what if the hero defeats everyone to win his love, discrediting some powerfull nobles on the way? Or messing up some set up machinations and bets, that powerfull grey eminences have planned for that battle? UPS is the least to say...

- Political machinations - "My dear prince... Let's make a deal. If your champion wins over mine, I'll hand you Barcino with the land around it. What say you?" When talks like that happen in the lobbies, a moment prior the battle a butler with a note comes to hero, and gives full instructions who is to be defeated and compromised. The character "just" needs to work out the details in the full light of the audience! Oh! And pray some dandy doesn't have too much of a motivation mentioned above under the "Romance" section! Hopefully, he doesn't have more drama too!

- Feuds - "I don't like him. He doesn't like me. We enter this ground and everyone will witness who will kick the other's butt!"
Once upon a time, when I did the squad pillow fight, based on the "King of the hill" rules, where each hero could field a brute squad. If he pulled it out of the hat obviously.
Mr. "Moraly impared" Pirate was approached by a bunch of seasoned soldiers and asked for a favour - one of the contestants was a Sergant, they reaaally didn't like. The soldiers oathed to serve under Raul for that battle, under one condition - they manouver to "fight" the Sarge during the battle. And they did get that chance. They fought like hell broke! The crowd couldn't see too well in the cloud of dust, that rose around that particular combat, but the Sarge thought bravely against that men! He thought long, to be more precise... Especially, that the soldiers were holding his hat on him, so he wouldn't fall down to quickly. And all that in the spotlights and applause for the fair contest that was played under the carefull eye of an audience.
And there was more interesting groups to mention on that day - bunch of peasants who agreed to fight for the food thy got as a reward, leaving all the glory to the hero. Or on the other end of a scale, a group of officers who wanted to prove their worth under the carefull eye of their general. I can tell you, that was one of the fiercest battles I ever pulled off, even if it had "joy", "peacefull" and "safe" stamped all over it!

What's more - even during the battle itself, scheming and politics was more important than the skill itself! In the end, two player's heroes that were left standing, were pretending to fight while negotiationg the outcome and share of the prize!

Pure honey on the sweetness scale!